I'm not a transsexual...I am a REAL WOMAN !!!

Tell you something about my moral forum yesterday which was entitled 'transsexualism'. It's kind of challenging as I played the role of a transwoman at which I shared my experience to the audiences.

When Sook Yan was introducing me, everyone started to laugh already. I was very nervous because the atmosphere should be very serious. I myself also couldn't help but kept laughing. But then, I tried to control myself and started my speech. Throughout the speech, I was blank. I kept forgetting my script and I paused for several times. OMG. I thought I had ruined the whole thing. I was truly upset at that moment.

However surprisingly, everyone gave me a big applause after I had finished my speech. I was shocked. Some of my friends came approaching me afterwards asking whether I was a real transsexual. When I said no, they asked me to prove it. Haha...they were so funny. Some said my acting had deceived them into believing the story.

You know why?

haha...here is the reason.

When I paused, my body started to shiver and I kept looking downwards. I wiped my eyes while sniffing. I was actually trying to remember my script but they thought I was suffering from recalling all the bad memories. All of them thought I was choking with sobs and was unable to speak.

What a misunderstanding? haha...

And now please take a look at my script....

Hi, everyone. I’m Alissa. I was called Aaron before I completed Gender Reassignment Surgery. I know what’s in your mind now but please don’t hold any prejudice against transsexuals. We are not freaks, nor do we suffer mental illness. We are simply trapped in the wrong bodies.

When I was young, sex had seemed unimportant to me. I lived a fairly gender free life up until I was sent to school. And you know, girls and boys had to wear different uniforms. All the other girls were dressed in blue A-line skirts, but I had to be like the boys in their long trousers. I hated it. I like hanging out with girls and I always acted like them but I used to get teased by those stupid guys for being a sissy. I had never looked at myself as a male in any way whatsoever. I was a girl born with a penis, that's all.

Then suddenly in my teenage years, I began to get beard growth which was really horrified me. I was worried what other hormonal changes were about to hit me. Since then, I was so moody and depressed. My parents sent me to a psychiatrist, but the so-called experts were useless. All I wanted to know was why I, as a woman, was getting a beard. It was just a physical problem as far as I was concerned, but they thought I was mental.

I always know what I want. I used to wear mini-skirts and dressed as a girl. I can’t be bothered to take others’ criticism.

Then, I met Mike. He was a wonderful man. He started to date me and both of us were eventually in love. However, all this time he had no idea about my gender background. I never told him about it and of course he never asked. He had no reason to suspect I was anything other than a normal girl. Everything seemed to go well until Mike asked for a more intimate relationship. I was filled with guilt at not being frank. I loved him very much but I couldn’t tell him the truth. I had to make the break with him.

The breakthrough of my life came when I came across Gender Reassignment Surgery. It took my parents long to accept the fact that their only son was about to turn into a transsexual but they were considerate. They knew the trauma I was going through. After the cosmetic surgery finalizing my transition from a male to a female, I was finally on my way. I moved to US and now I am a finance manager in a big firm. To date, I am still looking forward my true love and I hope to get married just like the other normal girl.

刚和朋友看了Twilight，Jacob在电影院外欲牵Bella手的那一幕，让我回想起自己的手第一次被牵的感觉。第一次，也是唯一的一次。是今年初吧。我记得自己还一直有意无意地挣脱他的手。我一直以为第一个牵起我的手的那个人会陪我走到永远，虽然一开始我就知道我们不会长久。
朋友都说他唯一的优点就是不会背叛，但他却成了第一个背叛我的人。
我说过我很怕受伤害，但他还是伤害了我。
恨他吗？我曾经很恨，恨他背弃承诺，恨他抛弃我。
但现在，我没感觉了，因为他对我来说已经什么也不是了。

身边一个又一个的朋友都开始谈恋爱了，真的有点羡慕。>< 爸爸上星期还问我，没出去约会啊？哈哈，有人约就好咯，惨就惨在没人约… 我不否认我向往爱情，渴望爱情，我也一直是个浪漫主义者，但我还知道什么叫矜持，知道什么叫自尊心...

承诺就像泡沫，稍一不留神就化为乌有。不要轻言对任何人许下承诺，因为一个不起眼的承诺可能是别人一辈子的遗憾。

可能神要我們在遇到那位對的人之前先遇上一些錯的人，讓我們遇到那位對先生/對小姐時懂得珍惜。

Today is not a good day....
My speaking test sucks.....
My Malaysian Studies's question-answering session sucks as well....
And I am not satistied with my Math mark....
I feel like a fool today!!!!
Can I crash my head into the wall?!

I am blessed ^^

I am lazy to update my blog actually but I can’t wait to write something down to record all my great memories.

First, the unforgettable one…

Last Friday at 8.30pm, Jia Min’s hp rang and she awoke me. It might seem something normal but I should actually wake up before 8am and get ready for the van to come by 8.15am. That means I was late. Meng Min and Sook Yan called me for a couple of time but I just couldn’t hear the ringtone and continue to sleep soundly. Therefore, they called Jia Min to wake me up. I was so shocked to see the time and only managed to brush my teeth and change a T-shirt. When I rushed down to the front yard, the second van had gone off as well. Gosh, I was so panicked. What could I do? Luckily, housekeepers came to our student house that morning and they offered to send me to campus. And you know what? I ended up wearing sleeping pants and slippers to class. So embarrassing man….

Gala Night yesterday was not really fun, maybe because I still don’t know most of the JPA students. But overall, it’s quite ok. Gala Night is actually held for our seniors’ graduation. Yesterday was their last day in KBU and they are going to fly over to Australia in the mid-February next year. I was not really close with those seniors but I start to miss them right now especially after what they had done to me today.

my class

all my housemates...nice leh.....
Jia Min, me and Meng Min

The Three Naughtiest

JJ (the tallest guy in my class) - this guy always "shoots" me.

I admit I was the one who started the war but couldn't he be a gentleman? ><

Even when we were taking this photo, he was still 'shooting' me. Haiz....

Kah Wai with the girls

Kah Wai also always 'shoots' me but he is truly a helpful guy.

My drawing for winter...not bad right? ^^

Kah Wai and Sook Yan with their drawing on spring

I called it 爱情结晶品...hahaha

They are really nice people. Senior Jinn Jyh sold all his books and notes to me for only RM40. Can you imagine? One of my friends bought from another senior for RM70 and it was considered quite cheap already. Before I went to his house this morning, I was wondering what sort of books he is going to sell me for only RM40. In fact, one new book can cost more than that. But he told me that’s a lot and asked whether I could take them back home by myself. When I saw all the books and notes, I was stunned. They are really a lot and they are so neatly kept. I kept thanking him and asked whether RM40 is enough. He said initially he is going to give all his things to the juniors but other seniors forced him to sell. So he just sold them at a low price. He is such a nice guy. And guess what…I never met him the day before today. Senior Ming Chai gave me his hp’s number. Still, he is so kind to me. ^^

Books and notes from Senior Jinn Jyn

Three hours after that, another senior sms me. It’s Senior Jun Kai. He is no doubt a great guy. He offered to ‘give’ me all his books and notes. And he carried everything all the way to my student house. By the time he reached, he was actually bathing in sweat. I was so grateful to him. Senior Jun Kai is actually my senior from GBS as well. I was wondering why I never met him before in secondary school. 真是‘相逢恨晚’^^

Books and notes from Senior Jun Kai

The great guy - Senior Jun Kai

Senior Xiao Fen later told me that Senior Jin Jyn is the top student from architecture class while Senior Jun Kai is also the top student from engineering class. Both of them got the first place in their respective classes. Oh my God…真是有眼不识泰山….Why there are such nice and smart guys in the world? Before this, I thought all the smart guys will have some sorts of peculiar behaviours… haha… ^^ By the way, I want to send them my good wishes and I will pray that they will continue to do well in their study and be great persons in the future.

Do you see the black guy beside me? Got it? Today, Pastor Kong asked us to smile with the person beside us if we didn’t bring our bible and most probably they will share their bibles with us. So the black guy spoke to me, “Smile with me and I will share my bible with you.” Hahahaha….he is so funny.

I am truly blessed lately as I met with so many great persons in my life. They are so kind and lovely.

I love you, God.

I will be having English Final Exam this Saturday morning and there will a prom at night.
Don't know why, I just don't have the mood to study. Argh...My IELTS will be 2 weeks later. Hopefully I will get the expected rank. So moody right now. Just hope everything will go well. Haiz....

Carousel

Today I want to talk about a friend of mine. He may not know how much I appreciate him and how much he has affected me and colored my life. In fact, he is such a great angel in my life. I couldn’t remember how this angel was sent into my life, how we got to know each other but I will never forget every precious moment we have spent together. He will comfort me whenever anything upset me. He will correct me whenever I do any mistake. He will always be there whenever I need him. He is always patient enough to tolerate with me for being unreasonable. I owe him so much that I think I can never pay him back. I know there is a great distance between us now. Maybe he is not going to care about me since he lives a different life with different friends. Maybe he is not going to pay any attention to me since I always disappoint him. However, I know there will always be a space for him in my heart as he had left a mark in my life, an irremovable mark. Therefore, no matter how much we change as time fade, I will never want to lose him in my life.

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY

to

the unusual one

Instead of gasping for air beneath those heavy notes since I am having my final exam, I lay on my little bed comfortably reading novel for one whole day. Not those Chinese romance novels that I used to like but an English novel that I rarely touch, to be exact, I used to hate. It’s kind of boring, but at least not having me any headache as compared to those economics, maths or physics notes which I think suck.

I just finished a group presentation which our lecturer said it was an impressive piece of work. Obviously it was my group leader, Sook Yan and other group members’ great effort as I kept complaining about the difficulty of video making and their chosen language which was English. Ok, I admit that we won’t be achieving such success if we had not been doing it the way you all suggested. Sorry for any of my headstrong action and thanks for your tolerance.

My grandma is seriously sick now and my family is in a total mess I suppose. I am here in Bandar Utama, far away from my hometown, separated from my family which really makes me feel uneasy. I can’t share any of my parents’ burden. It hurts when listening to their fatigue on the phone.

There were 3 coursemates of mine celebrating their birthdays in the past 2 weeks and I have no mood to describe them in great detail but they were real fun.

妈妈两天没摇电话给我了，很想她，又怕她在忙。
一直等到过了九点才拨电给她，却意外得知婆婆进院了。
妈妈说她在医院，问我要不要跟婆婆说几句，不知为什么我拒绝了。
但妈说婆婆还没睡，没关系的，就把电话交给了婆婆。

我故意用很轻松的语气和婆婆说话，
但婆婆的声音明显微弱又没生气，听得我心都疼了。
婆婆叫我别哭，不要担心，好好读书，替她祈祷就好。
我们没说了几句，就挂了。

现在的我，喉头像哽着硬物，心被揪成一团，忍着不哭。

上两个月婆婆两次跌倒，都让家人很担心。
姑姑要买拐杖给她，她却固执地坚决拒绝。

这次妈妈说婆婆是胆生石，可能要开刀。
我不知道这意味着什么，愚蠢地只知道心疼和焦虑。

我和妈妈最后一次通电话是两天前。
当时，妈妈告诉我，弟弟打球时撞伤了眼角，缝了六针，会破相。

我知道爸妈现在一定很不好受。
原本想向妈妈诉苦，说自己患了小感冒，顺便听听妈妈的唠叨声。
爸妈一定又会责怪我不好好照顾自己，但他们的责怪往往带着疼惜，让在异乡的我觉得特别窝心。

最近天气转凉了，早上醒来时都发现自己全身缩成一颗球般。
放学后更是窝在被单里不想下床。

阴沉的天气真的能让人变得忧郁。。。
我又想家了。。。

Malaysian Studies

Mr.Al asked every one of us to give a spontaneous presentation today.
And I was actually shivering throughout the two hours.
I was so nervous!!!
Do you know what kinds of questions were being proposed to us?

For example:
1. Why do you think that it is important to have a trustworthy/responsible/forthcoming leader?
Define trustworthy/responsibility/forthcoming and explain.

2. Why do you think the members of UMNO, MCA or MIC always fight with each other within their own parties?

3. Tun Mahathir had launched a lot of great projects such as the construction of KLCC, Penang Bridge, Multimedia Super Corridor and etc. Some said that he was a good leader and had contributed much to our nation but some said that he is just showing off. Give your comment.

4. If you have a roommate who is a gay, what will you do?

5. If you have a roommate who is a sex maniac and like to masturbate in front of you, what will you do?

6. If you have a roommate or friend who is a transvestite, what will you do?

7. If you have a boy friend who like to beat his partner before having sex, what will you do?

8. If your best friend is a prostitute and she asks you to join her, how will you react?

9. If your friend was raped by 3 Indonesians and is now having a great trauma but she does not want to launch police report, how will you advice her?

10. Watch this short movie and give your personal critical review?

Unluckily, it hadn't reached my turn today.
Argh!!! Stressed!!!

However, we really had a good laugh listening to others' presentation especially those sex-related topic. Some of them are simply creative and funny.
Some even grapped the chance to express their 'love' when Mr. Al asked them to talk about their best friends particularly in the lecture hall who inspire them the most.

Tell you what...there is already a sweet couple appeared among JPA junior students... more are coming...just wait and see....hahaha ^^
There will be a bbq party in student house this friday and also a prom night coming soon as well. Just like what Sook Yan said, we will have much shows to watch.
Sook Yan, don't you know you are also one of the heroines?! hahahahahaha..........

这星期有点过火了，
星期三去了双峰塔和茨厂街；
星期四去了LOOK OUT POINT；
星期五又去了ONE UTAMA。
不过我真的越来越爱我的cell group了。
Thanks for your encourangement, Jenny and Melissa ^^

哦。。对了。。我要发泄！！！
昨天我们七八个女生围在一起pillow talk.
不知道谁开始了一个怪问题：
‘如果你是男生，你会喜欢我们当中的哪个女生？’
淑欣说她会喜欢昀静和我，原因是。。。
臭雁湘抢着回答：因为丽琦讲话够大声有安全感。
佳敏更狠：我可能会喜欢你的背影吧！前面就...
真是坏家伙，称赞我很委屈你噢？！
我有那么差吗？真是的...


这就是林佳敏的偷拍照：本小姐的背影


今天呢...
佳敏忙着和新欢旧爱sms...
亨喜忙着和新欢旧爱msn...
可怜的我孤家寡人...
被逼当transsexual...
真是同人不同命啊！！！

I am confused....

I try very hard to live a normal and sistematic life.
I see and treat everything seriously.
I try my very best to complete all my homeworks, assignments and presentations.
I want to achieve a better result.
I work hard to improve myself.
But life is not a bed of roses.
Everything seems to be jumbled up.
Everything seems to be out of my control.
My efforts didn't earn any rewards.
I am now living under pressure all the time.
I scare...
I fear...
I worry...
I am afraid of...
Life is again miserable...
All those uncertainties make me lose my temper again.
Worse still since I always burn midnight's oil.
I will never give up but somehow I do feel tired.
I want to be optimistic but I can't smile all the time.
I know I need to regain courage to continue my life.
But, how? I am confused...

A lauzy week!!!

My lappy is going to make me mad! I had spent 3k++ to buy it but it caused me so much problem. Issh.... damn Dell! damn Carrefour! "care for you"?! CARE YOUR HELL lah! damn idiot...you really had awaken this sleeping volcano!

My Dream Holiday Destination

Argh!!! I have been preparing my slide show presentation day and night for the entire two weeks but yet there is still a lot to be done. Haiz....my lappy is going to explode d...

ok...Tell you something about my presentation. It is something quite simple which is about My Dream Holiday Destination and I choose to talk about Paris. Paris is a romantic city which I have always wanted to travel.

In Paris, everything is within walking distance. So first, I would like to walk hand in hand with my loved one across 'The City of Love" in a sunny morning and experience the romantic atmosphere of French. I would like to date with him at a great garden named Jardin du Luxembourg and watch the interesting puppet show in the southwest corner of the park. The two awesome fountains in the park will certainly attract our sight. If I am still a child, I can enjoy the traditional merry-go-round but sadly, I am a big girl now. Then, my dear will accompany me to watch the weekly fashion show at Galeries Lafayette before we go shopping in one of the greatest mall in Paris. After that, we shall continue with a Seine River Cruise. While in the boat, we can have a fine view of Paris with all the masterpieces of the Louvre, Eiffel tower and Notre Dame Cathedral. We will dined by candlelight in the boat with all delicious French food accompanied by the play of violin. A bottle of wine from local vineyard will make the night perfect. I believe one of the 1500 hotels in paris will certainly suit us.

We shall begin our next day by attending a service at Notre Dame Cathedral in the morning. Then, we will go sunbathing at a special 2-mile long beach by Seine River bank and join others for volleyball. Following that, we will pay a visit to Louvre, the world most famous museum which displays about 35,000 works of art. I will certainly want to have a clear look on Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci and hopefully I can have a chance to access into the hidden pond below the museum. Attending a concert is part of a memorable stay in Paris and my choice will be Opera Garnier which inspired the author of “the Phantom of Opera” to write the novel. A splendid ballet performance will bring me a great satisfaction. My next destination will be the Pompidou Centre. The square in front of the building is an excellent place to watch street entertainers. However, i think we will be having a big problem in choosing one out of 8000 restaurants in Paris for our dinner. The night shall be ended by watching a live gig at Caveau de la Huchette.

Disneyland in Paris, here I come! This is one of the place that i won’t want to miss. I will be an one-day princess in Disneyland with my prince charming. I would like to visit all the castles in each theme parks. If possible, I would like to have a ride on Cinderella pumpkin carriage. ^^ My last destination will be the Eiffel Tower. Open elevators will bring us up to the second floor which is the upper middle part of the tower where the restaurant called Jules Vernes is located. During our dinner, he will ask for my hand in marriage with a gorgeous self-designed ring and a big bouquet of flowers. The great atmosphere and the breathtaking view as well will certainly make me say yes. Then, we will hold our fairy tales wedding in Notre Dame Cathedral and Disneyland. The prince and the princess live happily ever after.
*the end*

LI CHI!!!! Enough for day-dreaming.
back to your work now.

Busy! Busy! Busy!

It has been quite some time since i last updated my blog.
After the one-week holiday, life seems to be busier.
Busy with assignment, presentation & bla bla bla.....
I went to Kajang with my housemates last weekend.
During the three days there, we did quite a lot of things.
We went to "Look Out Point" where we can have a bird's eye view of whole KL.
The night view is simply spectacular.
From there, we can even see Genting Highland as a brightly shining castle.
Thanks to Meng Min, we had an awesome dinner there.
The sizzling blackpaper chicken chop was mouthwatering.
I should take my mum and dad there one day & treat them to dinner as well. ^^
As for the second day, we went to Times Square theme park 'Cosmo's World'.
We were actually excited to try on the roller coaster but eventually it turned out to be a disappointing one. However, we had a truly great memory despite that.
At night, we celebrated Mooncake Festival by having BBq at Meng Min's house. Another great night! Haha...
However, the activity of the last day was suffering.
We went hiking at the 'Bukit dont know what'.
The whole journey took us about an hour to reach the peak. Omg...
My dad said i can challenge Bukit Kinabalu d.
My response was :" NO WAY! This will be my first & only hike. I will never want to try it in future." =="
And guess what, today I went for blood donation which I have wanted to do long ago. Haha...If possible, I hope to do it every 3 months. PRAISE GOD!!!

心中的一团云

最近的旧同学聚会让我有莫大的感触,连心都暗暗自嘲,嘲笑以前自己的愚昧.想找人聊但又说不出个所以然,而且就算说了,别人最终也只会归咎于我.就算知道自己错了,但也已不能回头.更何况,我也不想破坏现有的平衡,有些事还是不要说得清得好,雾里看花总好过雾散后惊觉寸草不生,模模糊糊,至少还有联系,否则一刀两断,只怕自己承受不住.说穿了是自己自私,但我还不想放弃现有的自由.况且,我已对现在的自己没抱握了.如果有一天,一切都变得太迟,我也只能认命.